An Island Wedding
by Dathari
Summary: Shounenai, suggestion. Kairi recruits the islanders in order to arrange a certain marriage. A wistful crack at humor for me. Hah.


Dai: Well, I was bored, and I figured you people might just be waiting to hear from me. I've been busy on my latest work (a masterpiece! Only it sucks…), plus a few other things, but since I've been meaning to put this up, I decided to throw it in just to make your day. Enjoy.

Sora: We're getting married? Where're the rings? (hops about excitedly)

Riku: There aren't any rings. Forget the rings. C'mere.

Sora: (pout) Listen, buster, if I'm gonna marry you, I want a ring! (points to bare finger impatiently)

Riku: (sighs and starts in the general direction of, oh, Middle Earth)

l…l

The boy floated lazily across the water, his eyes closed as he soaked in the sun. It was nice to be outside again after the chilly winter, and, now that school was out, he had days to spend floating lazily across the water. He smiled as he thought of this, and dipped his brown-topped head under the water, thoroughly wetting the strands.

"Cannonball!"

Blue eyes shot open even as the wave cascaded over him, leaving him sputtering with salt water in his eyes and mouth. "Riku!" he complained loudly to the silver-haired boy responsible for the sudden tidal wave. For whatever reason, Riku was uncommonly skilled at cannonballs. Riku, however, was too busy laughing at his soggy friend. "That's it, Riku!" the first boy shouted, wading through the water toward him.

Riku got to the beach first and seized up his wooden sword. He stepped in front of the other one, his eyes glinting competitively. "C'mon, Sora. What, are you afraid of a few bruises?"

Sora sat in the water and fumed silently. "No fair!" he shouted to Riku sourly. "I'm not coming!"

"Then I'll come to you."

"Can't do that," Sora reminded him sharply. "The wood will swell up and stain."

The reply was the handle of the wooden sword bouncing off his skull. "Ow, Riku…" Sora muttered.

"Are you happy now?" Riku asked, sliding smoothly up to him. Sora took advantage of the moment, seizing Riku's sword and cuffing him smartly on the temple. "Nice one," Riku told him, pressing a hand to the spot. "You got yourself a sword. But you've forgotten about my secret weapon."

Sora snorted. "You're bluffing, Riku. No way do you have a—"

But Riku was creeping closer to him, his fingers wiggling threateningly. Sora recognized the signals immediately. "Oh, no," he started, backing away. "Not here, Riku, not in the middle of the—!" he broke off into peals of laughter as Riku seized him and began tickling him relentlessly. "Stop it, stop it, lemme go—!" he managed, gasping for air and struggling toward the shoreline.

"Will you give me my sword back now?" Riku asked him patiently, unable to suppress a grin.

Sora, remembering that he in fact had the said sword began using it to fend off the older boy. Riku's pained yelps told him that his flailing attempts weren't entirely without merit.

"What are you doing?"

They looked up to see Selphie staring at them, her green eyes wide. "Are you two, uh…"

"Huh?" Sora raised an eyebrow, nonplussed. Riku chose that moment to realize that he and Sora had ended up in a rather suggestive position. A quick exchange of glances told him that Sora had realized this too, and they pulled away quickly, both sporting crimson-flamed cheeks.

Selphie was beginning to smirk evilly.

"That was an accident, Selphie, we didn't mean to—"

"Yeah, it wouldn't even be that way if Riku hadn't—"

"What! I was just trying to get my sword back!"

"Then you shouldn't have thrown it at me in the first place—"

"All right!" Selphie shouted. "Stop it! Geez, you two are worse than a couple of five-year-olds."

Riku sat down on the beach sourly. "Is there any particular reason why you decided to stop in?"

"Actually, yes. I'm an emissary from Kairi, asking whether you would like to play a little game," Selphie told them.

"A game?" Sora repeated.

"What kind of game?" Riku asked suspiciously.

"You have to agree to play it first. Now run get dry and changed, Kairi wants you both to be perfect!"

l…l

Riku and Sora returned a few moments later, both dried and pressed in their usual garb. "So what're we doing?" Riku asked in a bored tone, doing his best to appear thoroughly uninterested.

"We're playing Matrimony!" Kairi told him. "I just made it up. It's a game in which two people get married. Of course, we have to have the audience, the preacher, the best man, the bridesmaids—"

"Dibs on Kairi," Riku stated firmly.

"No way!" Sora broke in. "_I'm_ marrying Kairi, and that's final!"

"We'll just have to settle it, then. A race around the back, and the loser's the flower girl."

"Fine by me," Sora told him competitively.

"Uh, guys?" Selphie broke in. "We already drew straws—and Kairi's the preacher. And _I'm_ going to be the bridesmaid."

"I'll be best man," Tidus put in quickly.

"Yah, and I guess I could be the father of the bride," Wakka added.

Sora and Riku blinked simultaneously. "Wait a minute—!" Sora started, only for Kairi to cut him off.

"It's settled, then. I guess you two," she said to them, smirking evilly, "get to be the newlyweds."

"No!" Riku said firmly. "We—we can be members of the audience."

"Then who gets married, wiseguy?" Selphie demanded.

"Hey hey, don't get all upset," Sora broke in. "We'll just have Mr. Branch marry Ms. Rock—"

"That's not gonna work, man. Don't be stupid," Wakka told him in an annoyed tone. "Have you ever seen a rock walk? Takes all day."

The others stared at him for a moment. "Ahem," Kairi cleared her throat. "Like I said, it's settled. All we have to do now is prepare the bride and groom."

"Who's the bride?" Sora asked suddenly.

"Hey, no WAY are you making me the bride," Riku told them defiantly, crossing his arms.

"You have to be, because you'll never fit ME in a wedding gown," Sora added quickly.

Selphie stepped forward. She poked them in the chest consecutively as she spoke in a hushed, harsh tone. "Sora, you're the bride. Riku, you're the groom. No questions, just _do it_!"

"Yes ma'am," they replied simultaneously, seeing the flames leaping up in her eyes.

Selphie stepped back and smiled. "Good! Now that we're settled, we have to dig up a dress."

Sora paled. "I really don't know—"

"It's part of the game, Sora. Don't worry about it."

Riku let out a victorious laugh, watching Sora's downcast expression. "Don't get too happy," Sora told him darkly, elbowing him in the ribs. "You're still marrying _me_."

l…l

Tidus, as it turned out, was doubling as the instrumentalist. He sat next to Kairi and Wakka on paopu island, busily pinging away at a broken viola. The tune he played was vaguely recognizable, and it was to this that Sora and Selphie proceeded out of the Seaside Shack and down the walkway toward the island. Sora was struggling to hold up the molted old brown dress as he walked, and Selphie didn't help, looking absolutely filled with glee as she strode behind him in a simple blue summer dress. Sora's cheeks were flushed with crimson as he struggled to avoid Riku's gaze. This led to a controversy, however, as not looking at Riku constituted watching Wakka making exaggerated crying expressions. At their slow pace, the walk seemed to take forever.

They finally reached the end, however, and Selphie sat down next to Tidus as Wakka, with mock-reverence, took Sora's hand and led him to Riku. It was clear that Riku was having trouble containing his laughter. Sora brought a heel down on Riku's foot, thus adding another note to Tidus' musical accompaniment.

This was settled when Selphie whacked Riku with a coconut to get him to shut up, and Riku and Sora turned, with dread apparent on their faces, to Kairi's stand. "Do you solemnly swear to—aw, this is too long, let's just cut to the chase." Kairi flipped forward a few pages in the voluminous black book that her mother was letting her borrow, and soon stopped, glowing with anticipation. "Do you, Riku, take Sora to be your lawfully wedded wife, to stand by her—uh, no, him—in illness and in—aw, whatever! Just do you?"

"No," Riku replied promptly. Kairi shot him a dark look from the stand and pulled out a pin that looked painfully long. "B-but I guess I could, if it was really necessary…" he added, paling.

"And do you, Sora, take Riku to be your lawfully—ugh—your husband?"

For a moment Sora considered that. Irrefutable embarrassment versus certain death. "Yes," he sighed finally.

Kairi slammed the book shut. "Then you may kiss the bride!—uh, man…person…"

Sora dropped the bouquet of assorted weeds. "I'm not gonna kiss him," he said firmly, pointing accusingly at Riku. "There is not a torture in this world that you can use to make me…uh…what're you doing?" he asked as Kairi pulled out a paopu fruit and began slicing it in half.

"I'm trying to get you," she said deliberately without looking up, "to imagine your future if I did this. Tidus and Selphie, I need you to hold Sora's mouth open. Wakka, come here." Kairi held up one half of the fruit.

It didn't take much more convincing. "You'd better pucker up, Riku!" Sora told him, looking desperate. Riku's reply was cut off in an inarticulate "buaaugh" that soon silenced under Sora's lips. He quickly decided he liked the thrilling sensations that rippled down his spine, and so took the lead.

Kairi stared at the two as they moaned and groped and began to get a little more serious. "Selphie," she said quietly. "This calls for a paopu fruit."

l…l

Dai: There you have it. The fruits of boredom and an underactive imagination. (sigh) Why can't I ever just be happy with my work? (wanders away to ponder this)

Sora: (examining his new ring) It's so PURDY! An—hey, wait, it's too tight! My finger's turning purple! Where did you get this?

Riku: Some short guy. (shrugs)


End file.
